Bloody Mary Movie

f:X→Y

In this equation, “X” is a monumental catastrophe in which each and every one of our teen protagonists perish. But then, as a cruel joke played on the audience, it turns out to just be a vision (as represented by “f”). Said morons are still alive and well because, by virtue of one of them having witnessed the vision, they managed to avoid the catastrophe. But then a very miffed death (personified without ever actually showing up on the screen (which is impressive/dumb)) seeks to map out a series of overly-elaborate deaths, “Y,” to collect his intended quarry.

So basically the vision “f” informs the association between the catastrophe X and grizzly subsequent deaths Y. It all adds up to a movie you could set your watch to, if your watch was set to Eastern Hack Time and it was Lazy Script:30. And yes, I am aware of the irony of the overly elaborate mathematical explanation I use as I deride the film’s overly elaborate deaths.

What’s interesting about the ending of Final Destination 3 film is a loosely constructed Rubbermaid container in which to store a feast of carnage. The non-deathly events of the film and pretty much every single line of dialogue are about as relevant as making an NYPD Blue joke in a bad movie col–*distracting cough*. These films are essentially Rube Goldberg machines in which a series of absurd events fall into place exactly as they need to in order to ensure the spectacular demise of some poor dope. It’s a lot like playing Mousetrap with Charles Manson.